Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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