And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
