You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
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I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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