Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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