so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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