i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
