No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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