Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
