I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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