so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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