and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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