Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
