he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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