i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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