Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
