I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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