I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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