dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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