What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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