My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
