everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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