Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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