I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
