just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
