hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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