So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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