Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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