you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
