Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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