carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
