The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
