I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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