so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
