Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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