I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
