I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
too bad you live with your parents still
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
