when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
