I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
