Got a toothbrush?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
