We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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