our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
