some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
