This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
