If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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