every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
