and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
