If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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