I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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