Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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