Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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