New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
