I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
