Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
