Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
