new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
