Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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