No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
