im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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