4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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