After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
