I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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