you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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