her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
