Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
