Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
