just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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