we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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