isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
