I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize