I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
