Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
