Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
