So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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